


Three idiots go to the store and it goes as well as you'd expect

by ChipperChemical



Series: Hermitcraft stuff [6]
Category: Hermitcraft RPF
Genre: (that’s a lie. they’re very dumb), Fluff, Impulse takes care of them, M/M, SO MUCH FLUFF, Tango and Impulse will cuddle him later don’t worry, Tango is snarky: a novel, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Zedaph is afraid briefly, angst if you squint and tilt your head a little, he loves them a whole bunch, i wrote this to get over burnout, someone give him a hug, they’re a little dumb, two boyfriends: zero braincells
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-26
Updated: 2021-01-26
Packaged: 2021-03-11 23:20:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 689
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29000598
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChipperChemical/pseuds/ChipperChemical
Summary: Impulse makes the worst mistake of his life by inviting Zedaph and Tango grocery shopping with him.
Relationships: ImpulseSV/Zedaph, Tango Tek/Zedaph (Video Blogging RPF), impulseSV/Tango Tek (Video Blogging RPF), zedaph/impulse/tango
Series: Hermitcraft stuff [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2181648
Comments: 4
Kudos: 36





	Three idiots go to the store and it goes as well as you'd expect

**Author's Note:**

> based on the tumblr prompt: “who’s staying to the list, who’s filling the cart with candy, and who got lost and has to go to customer service?”
> 
> Impulse is way sterner than i would’ve liked so i tried to balance it out nearer the end

“Tango, where’s Zed gone?” Impulse glanced around the aisle worriedly, barely even stopping to glare at Tango, who was shoving Haribo's into the cart like he was stocking for the zombie apocalypse. He just knew that taking his two dumbass boyfriends grocery shopping would be a disaster. Why didn’t he listen to his instinct more?

(Well, that was because Zedaph pulled just the cutest puppy-dog eyes, and Tango couldn’t stop whining, but he wasn’t ready to admit that he loved them too much for his own good.)

“Uhhhh…” Tango offered oh-so-helpfully, looking around in exactly the same way that Impulse did as if it would be useful, “I dunno.”

“Thanks.” Impulse snarked, rolling his eyes and pushing the cart away from the endless hoard of candy, much to Tango’s upset. “I specifically told him to stay with us. Where is he?”

“Probably thought that two random people were us and tagged along with them instead.” Chuckling, Tango trailed behind his boyfriend, glancing down each aisle in a somewhat half-hearted attempt of searching. Either he didn’t notice Impulse’s heaved sigh, or he was very good at ignoring it.

“Where on Earth…” The redstoner muttered under his breath, the words fizzling out on his tongue as his scouting got more serious. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust Zedaph not to be kidnapped or get into trouble, he just definitely didn’t trust Zedaph not to be kidnapped or get into trouble.

“ _Where in the world is Zedaph Sandiego?_ ” Tango hummed to himself, grinning at his own obvious comedic genius, only stopping when the familiar jingle of the Tannoy system echoed throughout the store.

“Could a Mr Tek and Mr Essvee report to the till five? That's Mr Tek and Mr Essvee to till five please. Thank you.”

“God fucking damnit.”

Tango didn’t even get time to mutter a snarky “mind your language” before Impulse grabbed him by the elbow and, still pushing the cart packed with foods which made his teeth disintegrate just looking at them, made his way towards the tills at the front of the store. This was the absolute last time that he invited Zedaph out of the house.

(That was a lie and he knew it, but he’d live in the ideal world for a moment longer.)

Luckily, the tills weren’t too far away, letting the duo arrive quite quickly to behold the sight before them.

It was possibly the most child-like Zedaph had ever looked. Hands rested on his lap, head down in shame, blond curls obscuring his eyes from everyone around while he slumped on a small, green, plastic chair. His lip was visibly pouted, leg bouncing slightly as he glared at the floor as if it personally offended him. Tango nearly snickered.

“Mr Tek and Mr Essvee?” The employee confirmed, gesturing to Zedaph when Tango nodded, “Your friend got lost.”

“Of course he did.” Impulse sighed, but this time, the fondness was evident in his tone, a soft smile playing on his lips. Not wasting any more time, he had Tango start emptying the cart onto the conveyor belt for the worker to scan, not even caring that they hadn’t finished shopping, while he walked over to Zedaph, eyes still downcast.

“Hey, it’s alright.” Impulse smiled, crouching in front of him, “C’mon, we’re going home.”

“Imp,” Zed hesitated before he spoke, looking up and finally revealing a vulnerability in his glazed eyes, which flickered out as quickly as it arrived when he laid gaze on Impulse’s familiar face, “I lost my final braincell in the dairy aisle.”

“Oh, I know.” Impulse patronised in a sickly-sweet voice, laughing when Zedaph lightly slapped him and pulled him so they both stood up. Offering a final smile, Impulse headed back to Tango, helping him load the ~~heart disease~~ candy into the bags which they’d bought while Zed watched contently from the side. As soon as the final packet was placed, Impulse paid for the junk food, taking two bags while his boyfriends took one each and they headed back to their car.

Impulse swore, this would be the last time that he took his dumbass boyfriends grocery shopping.

**Author's Note:**

> what happens when they get home? well, i’d say cuddles and movies, but your mind is your own.


End file.
